Diane Trout (alienghic) wrote,
Diane Trout
alienghic

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I'm feeling a bit insecure, I feel like I have far too much to do, and not nearly enough time to do it. I'm worried about work since I said I needed to reduce the complexity of the program I'm writing, I do need to deliver something real soon now.

While doing that I also need to put some effort into working on getting bike lanes to pasadena.

And there are several programs that I want to run on my new laptop, like OpenH323. Unfortunatly the build script doesn't work right. I miss having the 6,000 debian packages at my fingertips, but the OS X anti-aliasing is so nice compared to XFree.

Somehow while accomplishing all of this work, I also need to find time to get "enough" exercise, cook, grocery shop, clean my apartment, spend time with my cat, spend time with friends, and face up to my internet addiction.

Ack!

And to top it all off I'm slipping back into the "I hate my body, it's far too repulsive for anyone else to be interested in dating me." Perhaps it had something to do with the leg bands (cleverly designed to keep one's pant/trouser leg from touching the bike chain) I tried today. Most of the bands are too small to wrap around my ankle, only one company makes something just barely large enough.

I think that ankle size is one of those areas more influence by bone and muscle mass than fat. It's one of those things that remind me that no matter what I do I'm always going to be "large".

I do wish I was better at fighting the idea that attractive women don't take up lots of space, that they are the opposite of "large".
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