Diane Trout (alienghic) wrote,
Diane Trout

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Staying in touch

So I've been trying to get better at staying in touch with people, I'm still pretty introverted and tend to withdraw from the world.

But I've been managing to get my email turn-around time for messages that actually require some work of telling people how my life is going (which seems hard for some reason) down to less than a month. I might even be able to get it down to a week.

It's interesting though that it's not nearly as hard to update LJ with random stuff. Perhaps since it's more frequent I don't feel as much anxiety that I have to be more coherent about the rest of my life.

Though it is interesting that my socialization as a boy (not to mention a somewhat crummy childhood) left me a bit weak at knowing about how to do the work to maintain relationships.

I watched a few of my more fem friends easily chat about the details of their lives. (Stuff I tend to think that if I told people about my life in equivalent detail I'd bore them to tears.)

Another telling example was listening to two of them talk about their frustration with the male SO of one of them. He wasn't terribly interesting in providing a birthday card or present for his brother when they showed up at a party for his brother. She and her other female friend thought this was a terribly failure on his part and felt it critical to try and make sure that some written acknowledgement of the birthday. I'd just read a book discussing the different roles that men and women tend to have expected of them with respect to this work at maintaining relationships.

Maybe all of those little social conventions that society tries to teach women about maintaing relationships are actually useful.

Right now I'm working on improving connections with people via email as I'm still a bit nervous about actually speaking with people I'm not on exceedingly good terms with on the phone. (Which currently means I don't actually call anyone.).

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