Diane Trout (alienghic) wrote,
Diane Trout

Interesting theory

I've developed a theory partially explaining my current difficulties in dealing with people that I've know for some time. It's beginning to look like as I develop a better attitude toward myself, my need for external validation of being a worthwhile person and/or escape from the torments from my own mind lessens my need for others to be present in my life.

Without those need motivating me to want to spend time with others, a more misanthropic side of myself seems to to be gaining ascendency. And unfortunately for me, I tend to be pretty transparent about what I'm thinking and feeling.

So now it's becoming obvious that some number of people have liked me more than I've liked them. (I've quietly thought this was true, but tended not to mention it to anyone).

I guess the motivations I currently have toward who I feel like spending time with seems to be based around who I presently find to be interesting. Which seems to be defined by some collection of shared interests, compatible values, and well formulated thoughts about subjects I care about. For those for whom my interests have diverged to far, I've become less interested in spending time with them.

Unfortunately it seems like that over-rational logic seems to leave me in situations with people I've know getting hurt by me. Which bothers me, I'd prefer not to be hurting others, but it seems like those processes make it inevitable.

Or perhaps this all this theorizing is just trying to explain some problems I've been having with some specific people as being entirely my fault. Maybe another theory is I've just gotten tired of being friends on their terms and want more freedom to be my own self.

What do other people think makes a reasonable motivation to consider someone a friend?

Is being motivated to be friends because someone brings an experience of pleasure because they're interesting and ending friendships because their value systems are unpleasant or their interests are rather different treating that person as and ends or a means? (Basically are those reasonable reasons for shifting ones friendships around?)

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