Diane Trout (alienghic) wrote,
Diane Trout
alienghic

  • Mood:

Depression

So yesterday, I got a chance to ask the woman that I was somewhat interest a small question about her orientation. I asked why she thought she might be bi, and in the process of talking about that got a comment about her "in the long term being more interested in guys."

So I gave up on trying to ask her out before ever actually trying. Retreated back into my sense of overwhelming hopelessness about ever finding "love" with someone whose interests even remotely overlap with mine. At this point I'm wondering why I should want something I've never had.

I hate feeling. It makes me so weak, and I wish it would stop.

So tonight at the caltech LGBT group I was rather quiet and slowly slid further into my depression. Though at the end shockingly two women (who just started going out with each other (Which is yet another thing that depresses me)) ended up being concerned about how I was doing.

And after I managed to say "badly" they were rather nice about sitting with me and trying to be comforting. So I get to escape fantasizing about slitting my wrists for tonight. The actually gave me more human physical contact than I've experienced in several years.

I suppose I should actually ask this woman that I was interested in if she might be interested instead of just immediately giving up.

Why is it so hard to find a woman whose more on the lesbian side of orientation spectrum, who doesn't like sex that much, is nice, can appreciate geeky interests, is an intellectual, and is monogamous, available, and would be willing to get involved with a trans-woman. Oh yes, and I'm evil and have some bias against people who are overweight (such as myself.).
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