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On the result of visiting big bear lake with a pile of lesbians(*)

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Dec. 16th, 2001 | 10:22 pm

(*) and closeted bi women.

So someone from the local lesbian chat group has a relative that owns a cabin up in big bear, and for her birthday invited a whole host of people up to the cabin... (Located in a nearby mountain range at above 7,000 ft for those who're reading this and aren't familiar with southern california geography)

I think at it's peak there were 20-22 women there.

I didn't snap as badly as I have in the past. It helped that there was a woman there whose name escapes me. She seemed more on the intellectual side and didn't find a roomful of women playing "truth or dare", or "spin the bottle" particularly interesting.

It really helped not to be the only one who didn't want to participate.

Also she suggested the idea for a simple announce only mailing list where people submit ievents they're planning and they're appended to a weekly mailing/newsletterish thing.

Though in the aftermath of going I'm still a bit down and am returning to my popular feeling that my chances of ever having another romantic relationship are nearly 0.

Though I'm willing to admit at this point that it may have less to do with not being able to meet available people and more with me not beinga willing to lower any defenses. Not to mention that it's a rare person that I don't find boring. (And who I think might be interested in things that I'm interested in, instead of getting that glazed over expression, I'm so familiar with.)

I think at this point I'm almost completely unwilling to share details of my life (in the physical world). I'm even a bit nervous at sharing simpler things like thinking about buying a folding bicycle. Let alone my reasoning for why I'm trying to avoid owning a car.

Drat I'd been trying to remember that it takes me a long time to get comfortable with someone, and merely meeting several people that I have some hope at communicating with is a huge step forward in trying to find a "romantic relationship"

Alternativly, I could just give up and try and retrain myself to focus on friendships and toss the romance thing.

Most importantly though, I need sleep.

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Comments {1}

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Diane Trout

Re: Friends aren't so bad.....

from: alienghic
date: Dec. 18th, 2001 11:12 pm (UTC)

but some physical fun is important

Do you mean things like juggling? or are you refering to other more incomprehensible things?

but it helps if one thing can occasionally lead to another.

It might, but it doesn't. I've mostly just had really bad experiences with being emotionally close to people. And being physically close without an emotional connection, just reminds me of my emotional alienation and leaves me rather depressed.

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