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Jun. 23rd, 2004 | 03:53 pm
mood: introspective

I used to claim that "no one would ever date me", it's morphed slightly into "no one that I'm attracted to wants to date me".

This morning I finally came up with an idea why.

I think I suffer from a tendency to sacrifice myself and my own desires when I meet someone I'm attracted to. I am struck dumb and end up doing whatever they want while not ever actually suggesthing as I'm afraid that they wouldn't actually like my activities.

The other thing is I've noticed that when I'm not that attracted to someone but end up dating them I end up having a more stable balanced relationship with better communication. I suspect since I'm not so desperate to win and hold their approval, I can actually continue to be myself, instead of trying to mirror their desires, and thus continue to be someone attractive.

The woman I'm dating falls into the better relationships through weaker attraction. What makes this especially frustrating is the friendship I have with a straight coworker who has a number of characteristics that I find strongly attractive, which ends up strongly reminding me of the weak attraction I'm feel toward the former woman.

Well maybe if I can come up with a solution to the problem of losing myself when too attracted to someone, I can start dating people who I am strongly attracted to.

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