Diane Trout (alienghic) wrote,
Diane Trout


I really should be sleeping now, but this insight was too interesting not to share. I've wondered why a good chunk of the people I dated came from either the S&M or poly communities. It seemed odd since I'm intimidated by even vanillia sex and am so not poly.

Recently I was feeling frustrated with what I felt were pathetic attempts at flirting with the cute activist.

And then I understood. I have the feeling that you're supposed to flirth with "typical" people through actions, and that always feels awkward to me.

I realized that I really like to talk everything through before doing anything, preferably more than once.

Both the S&M and Poly communities value that style of highly verbal communication, and that works really well for me.

I hope I can take this and go feel confident that it's okay to say things like "would you like a hug?", or "Can I kiss you?", or even "I'm feeling really nervious about this, but I like you, and think you're attractive, would you like to come back to my place and, uhm, make out, or something." (Well I know that's what I'd end up saying, if I even managed to get that far.)

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