June 23rd, 2002


Being attracted to someone is annoying

The woman that I've been thinking is really attractive I had a horrible time trying to deal with her today. I ended up feeling really awkward, and I think missed a chance to go chat with her. She said something about needing a drink, and I unfortunatly answered literaly. Much later I realized I could've said something like would you like to go get one?

One of the things about her that's recently crossed my mind is "Why would someone that attractive be spending time with ugly ol' me."

There's two problems with that statement, the obvious, thinking poorly of myself. The other, seems to be related to being too worried about peoples apperance.

I started worrying that I may be being too superficial about who I'm interested in. They have to be both good looking physically and intellectually stimulating. The wanting to be involved with someone whose physically attractive bothers me.
I wish I didn't feel so desperate, I think then I wouldn't feel so anxious (from the fear that I'll never find someone attractive (intellectually, emotionally, & physically) who returns that affection. Of course feeling anxious about that just makes it that much harder to get to know people.
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated


I was thinking, I have a few friends who like to give presents. I however am an annoying person to buy stuff for. First off I'm not terribly fond of stuff, then if I do want something I either buy it or it's too expensive for me to buy. (Which puts it well outside the range of present prices.)

I've thought of a solution though, I've thought of something I do want from people. Unfortunatly I'm not sure if they'd like it. Things that I'd like are for the person wanting to provide a "present" to: eat vegetarian for a meal, day, etc; Walk or bike for a short trip (or more), or take a bus or train for a longer trip(s); Perhaps recycle something; Change some incandecent lights with compact florescents.

Am I violating the social conventions about presents too much with that list?