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Sep. 4th, 2003 | 03:10 pm

I had therapy today and talked about my body image issues.

I did say something that made my therapist laugh. One issue I have is I feel that what I find attractive with women is superficial and therefore bad. Because of Kant's categorical imperative, if I'm applying this standard to others it would be most moral to apply it to myself as well.

At that point she laughed a bit, and commented on how she didn't have any other clients who'd quote Kant to justify a psychological dysfunction.

As for the therapy, she noticed how hard I struggle to keep the belief that I'm ugly and asked me what purpose it serves.

It is pretty obvious that believing that I'm ugly is important to me considering how I discount any evidence or arguments to the contrary.

One of my guesses is that I blame my body for a number of things that have gone wrong socially in my life. For instance growing up I was reasonably frequently reassured that I was smart, but people still kept ignoring me, not to mention I kept loosing friends. Perhaps I decided that it was because I was ugly that people kept leaving since my mind was fine.

Also my parents were evil self-absorbed monsters, and ignored me, which obviously was my fault it some way. (I may be exaggerating a bit about the evil monster part, but not the self-absorbed).

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Comments {3}


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from: secretslip
date: Sep. 4th, 2003 04:07 pm (UTC)

I'll tell you what purpose it serves you (believing you're ugly, that is...). It's that whatever failings you experience in life, you can always blame it on being ugly. If you gave up the "I'm ugly" belief, you'd be responsible for your failings.

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Sep. 4th, 2003 04:13 pm (UTC)

I'd limit it to just social failings--specially romantic ones.

It's a good explanation for why I might feel safest thinking I'm ugly as an excuse for not being able to date.

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Jane Tutor

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from: pixelpoet
date: Sep. 4th, 2003 05:04 pm (UTC)

failure to find true love, if it exists.

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