Diane Trout (alienghic) wrote,
Diane Trout
alienghic

Things that make me go hmmmm

It occured to me that this obsession with ugliness may merely be a mental code word for some other issue. I knew growing up that if I expressed a gender other than what was approved, I would get in trouble. As a result I ended up terrified of ever expressing a gender.

Perhaps I'm wishing that I could be closer to some versions of femme, but I'm paralyzed by my childhood fear and my pessimistic view that there is no way someone with as typical of a male skeleton as myself could possibly look good trying to look femme.

(As an example of things that remind me of the utter hopelessness of this project, someone recently remarked the my butt seemed to have disappeared. It seems frustrating that as I attempt to be healthier and loose weight I just end up looking more masculine.)
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