The answer seems to be I'm a pessimistic introvert whose frightened of meeting new people while living in an intensly alienated culture.
Aparently LA is far more alienated than most other cities. My therapist for instance mentioned how after living in some small street in boston for 12 years actually became close friends with her neighbors, while living in a condo complex in LA for 12 years has never even seen the inside of one of her neighbors units.
Since I already have difficulty reaching out to other people, living here makes it well nigh impossible to connect.
My sense of pessimism doesn't help either. Ignoring my tendency to assume that being pessimistic is just unatractive (because being a characteristic of me, it must be unattractive), pessmisim makes it more difficult to continue putting effort into trying to meet people.
One illustrative example, is I once tried internet dating through yahoo personals. I managed to email some of the women several times. However I learned that they'd actually gone to meet the other people they were emailing with long before I had even begun to feel comfortable enough to actually meet one in person.
And of course since I've tried internet dating and seen how poorly I used it there is little point in trying again.
Also since it takes so much effort to meet new people, it's frequently easier to return to the little rituals that make me feel more comfortable.
Oh yes and a related problem, another solution to feeling lonely might be to try the house-mate thing. However I assume it would be better to be a house-mate with someone whose company I enjoy. Unfortunatly that means that at some point I'd probably have to deal with being attracted to them. Since I've even found some of my male friends attractive after reaching a certain level of friendship, it appears that I'm bi enough not to have a 'safe' gender
I kind of wish the problem was something simpler like being overweight, as it seems easier to loose 60 pounds than to be more confident and optimistic.