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Lesbian Merging Syndrome

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Apr. 24th, 2003 | 11:57 pm

A number of lesbians seem to develop LMS when they start dating, as the syndrome progresses each member of the couple continues to develop characteristics of the other woman and loose characteristics that allow people to differentiate them.

The reason I was thinking of this, was I was wondering why I was more interested in the probably-straight coworker instead of the lesbian when both of them are interested in science, have politics I can relate to, are willing to walk places, and can understand why I think cars suck. The coworker, is a few years older and has more definition to her personality, is better at not being self-conscious, is good at being playful, and pulls off a crunchy/granola type of femme that I find appealing. The playfulness, and earthy femme are things that I wish I was better at, and so I started thinking about LMS.

So back to LMS. Basically the theory is gay people have a tendency to find people who are expressing characteristics that they want to develope attractive. For instance me wishing I was more playful, or a story of a gay guy I heard about who was attracted to a guy because he had a certain style and rode a motorcycle. They gay guy after having the idea that he might be more interested in the styal than the guy, got a motorcycle and lost interest in the other guy. Hetero people may have this as well, but the seperation provided by different gender roles make keep LMS from progressing as far.

So it would seem likely that if one person finds charactistics of the person they're trying to date attractive, the other person is likely to find characteristcs of the first appealing if they are too actually end up in a relationship. This provides symmetry to the tendency to pick up characteristics from the other person, and so starts the process of merging.

Also after sharing this theory with my therapist, she claimed LMS was partially caused by the class of lesbians who get so caught up in their relationship they become unable to do anything without their partner (AKA, joined at the hip).

I think that probably does help intensify LMS since if two people are always doing everything together, they rather obviously wont have many different experiences to seperate them. Also I think the joined at the hip strikes women in lesbian relationships more often than gay men or heterosexuals, since our culture has historically tried to make women define themselves in terms of their relationships and not in their own accomplishments. So once again assuming a symmetry with both women in a relationship having this predilection it seems likely they'll end up almost completely unable to act independently of their relationship. So with they limit the opportunity to spend time with other people who they're strongly attached to, and so limit the opportunity to pick up traits from anyone other than their partner.

(Yes this blatent generalization and most certainly doesn't strike every lesbian, but I and my therapist thinks that this is a good explination for the experience of a number of lesbians.)

Well, it's a theory ,

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Comments {1}

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from: anonymous
date: Apr. 25th, 2003 11:51 am (UTC)

Well now you should expound on Lesbian Moping Syndrome? ;)

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