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so sad

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Feb. 19th, 2003 | 01:36 am

Several sad things today.

On my mac, linux doesn't always manage to redraw the screen after coming out of sleep

I discovered that the lesbian woman "W" I was interested in is both seeing another friend from caltech, and that the friend is having trouble with things being quite awkward with W.

Also I asked the cute straight girl in my lab what her orientation was, she then asked if I was interested in her, I didn't answer, but my non-answer was probably answer enough. She did apologize for being interested in guys followed by some blushing. And then we had a moderately detailed discussion about what my anatomy was like after the reassignment surgery.

Though I'm still entertaining the idea that although my checkered gendered past makes dating lesbians more difficult, perhaps it'd also make it easier for a straight women to contemplate sliding to a non-straight orientation.

Oh yes, in my conversation with her she wondered why I wasn't a bit femmier. That led me to realize that the things that led me to identify more strongly with the "woman" gender was appreciating being able to show vulnerability and share details of my emotions with a wider set of friends. (Also I'm not arguing that men are less vulnerable than women, merely that our culture disapproves of men expressing their human vulnerabilities)

Lastly, I want to share how I now think I should've answered the question as to whether or not I was interested in her. "When I first met you I thought you were attractive, and as I've gotten to know you better I've learned that you are intellectually stimulating, kind, and are passionate about your interests--all characteristics that I find attractive. So I thought I'd share this with you before I developed an attachment to the idea of being interested in you."

To me that description is both flattering and low pressure. Though in an ideal world I might be able to slip in my theory of romantic relationships and friendships being more similar than our society wants to admit. (Which would hopefully point to the idea that I also want to be friends with people I find attractive, regardless of wether or not they'd respond to me be romantically interested in them.

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Comments {2}


Expressing interest

from: irilyth
date: Feb. 19th, 2003 04:56 pm (UTC)

Lastly, I want to share how I now think I should've answered the question as to whether or not I was interested in her.

The phrasing sounds a little formal -- works well in writing, seems a little awkawrd for RL conversation maybe? -- but the message is great IMHO.

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Diane Trout

Re: Expressing interest

from: alienghic
date: Feb. 21st, 2003 02:42 pm (UTC)

I like to try and describe things as clearly and precisely as possible (small wonder I'm a computer geek) and that tends to sound somewhat formal, especially if there's space for misinterpretation. In this case I wanted to make sure that we could be friendly and have a harmonious working relationship.

Though right now I'm leaning toward the dropping the subject, since she doesn't seem to be behaving that differently from before she figured out I was interested in her.

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