?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Now that was just too productive of a day

« previous entry | next entry »
Jun. 7th, 2001 | 12:01 am
mood: tiredtired

I ended up going to work "early" (it's early for me, 9:30 am. Yes, I know I'm spoiled), and then we got wrapped up in getting several things actually done. After a couple of weeks of plodding along trying to get our various chunks of code to cooperate.

After all of that I then came home and managed to balance my bank accounts. I hate it when credit card companies can't handle getting electronic payments and then decided to hit me with a late fee... grumble.

As if that wasn't enough. I cooked my own dinner--for the 3rd day in a row.

But wait there's still more!

Sunday I ripped apart the futon frame that was absorbing a large chunk of my living room. Today I made some more progress disposing of the piles that had been balanced on it.

The most frightening thing is right now, I can see the vast majority of my desk top.

I think I deserve some slacking tomorrow.

Or maybe I should start writing code to recognize the special buttons my laptop.

yeah right...

Let's go for the simpler goals--like plugging the printer and scanner back in.

*yawn*

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {6}

Stephanie Wukovitz

(no subject)

from: sebab
date: Jun. 7th, 2001 04:59 am (UTC)
Link

hey, you slacked into my channel tonight?

no, it was not the world's most exciting chat... not helped by some stuff going on IRL here :)

Reply | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Jun. 7th, 2001 04:13 pm (UTC)
Link

Yeah but I did it while I was eating dinner... almost could be making my dinner more productive, than just sitting there quitely eating.

So did you set up those poses and manage to irc at the same time? or did you pre-record the show and then chat while showing?

Reply | Parent | Thread

Stephanie Wukovitz

Re:

from: sebab
date: Jun. 7th, 2001 10:39 pm (UTC)
Link

the poses are 30 seconds apart... I can type responses if they're not terribly long or witty, between shots :)

Reply | Parent | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Jun. 7th, 2001 11:18 pm (UTC)
Link

Okay, and now the hard question.

But why do such a thing?

*blink, blink*

I've run accross a couple of references to having lost weight and had your body image improve?

Did that happen? And if so, how'd it encourage a mild form of exhibitionism? Am I just being too confused? To many probing questions?

Alienghic looks confused, having difficulty parsing such concepts as being seen by other people, given her long history of disgust with her body.

Reply | Parent | Thread

Stephanie Wukovitz

Re:

from: sebab
date: Jun. 8th, 2001 12:16 am (UTC)
Link

hmm, it's a tricky thing. I lost a significant amount of weight, started exercising, and began trying to maintain a healthy diet through the last half of my college years (age 21-22 or so).

so you'd think that at age 32, I'd feel great about my body, right, having had lots of time to get over guys mooing out the window at me, right?

unfortunately not... I actually resented the fact that people who probably wouldn't have spoken to me before were actually nice to me... it seemed pretty clear that they didn't even care what I was like on the inside... they were perfectly willing to blow me off (even as a possible friend) when I didn't measure up, physically. if you've read the first Stainless Steel Rat book, that's the sort of thing I'm talking about :(

not long after we began dating, Scott once commented to me, privately, that if he were single he'd probably try and pursue a particular friend of mine who happened to be overweight -- because he thought she seemed really interesting, and had a gorgeous voice.

and that was one of the most wonderful things he could have said to me, at the time. I actually think he'd have been nice to me in my earlier state -- not that he doesn't appreciate the body as is, but he seems to see the total package.

however, there are still lots of lurking self-esteem issues which I would love to dump... and it makes me feel good to be able to dance around in a towel, chat with people, compose music, etc, etc, and hear (see) people making appreciative comments about most or all of those things. I notice that over the past few years my self-esteem has increased... not monotonically, but it is greater than it once was, and that's good.

but, as I observed in a previous LJ comment, there are people not considered conventionally attractive who are, nevertheless, beautiful because of the way they move or speak, or simply who they are -- and the fact that they are comfortable with themselves. so it might even have been good for me to do the towel thing when my body was different, as a way of presenting an integrated (*) Stephanie to the world.

perhaps that alternate Stephanie would be pretending a little that she liked her body and her entire self more -- and since viewers would respond to her apparent confidence and openness with admiration, it would become slowly true, just as is happening now.

(* I'll avoid the obvious math joke here)

but I'm babbling :)

Reply | Parent | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Jun. 8th, 2001 11:43 pm (UTC)
Link

I appreciate your positive outlook about body image issues.

Trying to write a response has been really hard. This cluster of body image issues has ended up being a core component of my identity. And as such I seem incomprehensibly resistant to letting go of it. I wish I wasn't so hard on myself, but can't seem to find it in my heart to forgive myself for my various physical inadequacies.

I tend to think it's really nifty when a woman manages to have a positive body image in modern american culture. I'm really curious about how someone can think like that, as I've found it so hard for myself.



Reply | Parent | Thread