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Sep. 12th, 2001 | 01:31 am

It took me a while to realize what had happened. today, and when I first learned of todays tragedy via a website it seemed unreal. Eventually I listened to the news streaming from kpfa in berkely, since they were the only organization providing a progressive/leftist viewpoint on the attack.

While other news sources were jumping to conclusions about who planned it, they were repeatedly pointing out that remarkably little was actually known.

It was interesting that a number of callers called in with paranoid conspiracy theories about how George Bush was responsible. I'd suspect because many thought he and his policies were the ones most likely to benefit from this tragedy.

I worry that I don't really feel that shocked and horrified. Perhaps it's because I only listened and didn't actually watch the carnage. Perhaps it's that I keep visualizing the overshoot and collapse of the human population, if we continue to ignore our planets limits. My mind, now that it's been calibrated to the deaths of millions or billions, deaths of only thousands, alas, just isn't bad enough any more.

I guess realistically my was to start to contemplate what I could do to cut down on my chances of being at the site of an attack.

I know I should have a disaster preparedness kit. I should probably have a plan on how to contact friends and family if there is some kind of disaster.

I think our infrastructure should be more disbursed. For example telling boss types, that by having our workers telecommute from accross the country we provide no central point to attack.

I guess that's a reasonable reaction, to take horrifying news and start working out scenarios and counter measures instead of wandering around in shock.

Though I feel a bit like I'm being unnecessarily cold and calculating, but there's nothing that I can do to help, the rescue operations must continue, the investigations must continue, and the whole process is going to take days to sort through the rubble, weeks to piece things together, and depending on what type of organization perpetrated this crime, possibly months to track them down.

I'm lost in the future and distant from the present.

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