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New Years

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Jan. 3rd, 2004 | 02:14 am
mood: lonelylonely

I went to a party with a bunch of lesbians from the LA lesbian chat group on new years eve. As usual I didn't feel like I fit in. Also by the end of the evening when most of them had started acting rather sexualized I broke down.

However a couple of women noticed me being triggered and asked what was wrong. I then offered to tell whoever wanted to listen and they and a few more women formed a little support group to help me out.

Their help really supportive.

Unfortunately in the following days I learned about some evidence that the activist that I've had my crush on is actually interested in someone much less nice than me. (but much more butch).

The next day one of the women who'd noticed my emotional state emailed me to check on me and we ended up going out for coffee today. I suspect that she might be interested in me, although she's not my typical type. (Though I do sometimes think my type is far too limiting).

(Also she was even interested enough to listen to me tell her my reasoning for being vegetarian and vegan, which considering that information is somewhat disturbing if you weren't previously familiar with it is certainly something..)

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Comments {10}

secretslip

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from: secretslip
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 04:54 pm (UTC)
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I think you should take what you can get and go out with the coffee woman. You don't have to marry her today, you can date, you know....

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 10:09 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, but she's also a lesbian, so if we go on two dates we have to move in.

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secretslip

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from: secretslip
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 11:14 pm (UTC)
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Jokes aside, give her a freaking chance.

I'm mad at you for having a "too good for anybody" attitude.

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 11:21 pm (UTC)
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I went to coffee with her, and I will see her again on tuesday. I am giving her a chance.

But I will ask the question would you give a guy who was shorter than you a chance? I am really conscious of my height, when talking to someone much shorter than me I have a whole host of tricks that I use to try and even our heights out. Such as standing with my feet several feet apart, standing on a lower stair, always choosing the lowest point on hill.

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secretslip

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from: secretslip
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 11:38 pm (UTC)
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Oh my god, you're both _lesbians_ , height doesn't matter!

Seriously, unless you're exactly the same height, one person is going to be taller than the other. So deal. Why would you be conscious of your height? Tall is good.

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jan. 4th, 2004 12:04 am (UTC)
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More than 3 inches difference bugs me.

It might have something to do with situtations like this one. When I was young, I and a friend were sort of roughhousing in church and I got in trouble because I was the tall one and I was "picking on the little kid", which completely ignored the fact we were both the same age.

I went through puberty early and stood out from 6th grade until sometime in high school. Thoughout that entire period I was taller than nearly everyone else. It was one of the first reasons I felt different from everyone else.

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secretslip

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from: secretslip
date: Jan. 4th, 2004 12:07 am (UTC)
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I was the tallest kid in class until like 6th or 7th grade. My sister started her period really early, at like 9 years old. BUT, that's in the past, and we're grown ups now, so get over it.

I'm just trying to say that you can't keep giving excuses to disqualify people from your life. Also, you're stepping into veganism is narrowing even more the pool of people out there for you.

You realize that you're setting yourself up to be alone?

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jan. 4th, 2004 12:18 am (UTC)
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Yeah I do admit that I probably put up too many barriers between myself and others.

And as for the vegan thing, since it's been rare for women to find me attractive, I might as well be vegan so as to feel my ethics are consistant.

On the other hand it does seem like people are beginning to notice me. I think it's because I've lost so much weight, which is directly attributable to the near-vegan diet I've been on. So without being vegan they wouldn't have noticed me in the first place.

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Nafees

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from: nogbogfrog
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 07:26 pm (UTC)
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There's a lot to be said for the theraputic powers of new interactions. You won't know what "type" she really is anyways until you get to know her a bit more.

-n

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Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Jan. 3rd, 2004 10:08 pm (UTC)
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Well in this case the type I was refering to was completely physical. Looking at the women I've been interested in most of them have been tall, somewhere between slender and stocky, with long hair. This woman is none of those things, but attention can also be attractive, so I'll wait a little before deciding anything.

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