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Jul. 11th, 2001 | 01:04 am

I went to lesbian chat tonight and ran into another trans-person. She identified as a transsexual.

And unfortunately she reminded me of the reason why I ran away from the trans groups. Am I just being bigoted or are large numbers of trans people really bitter, unhappy, and paranoid people? (At least m2fs.)

The thing that bothers me the most is the biggest difference I see between me (and the other trans people who are less likely to be lashing out at society for oppressing us as trans) and the bitter unhappy ones is economic privilege. If you enter transition and keep a good high paying job it seems that it's less likely that you'll end up really, really scarred, and living on the streets.

It's kind of disturbing to be thinking in terms of what types of privilege I have access too and how it has made my life more livable than those without that access. I wonder which came first my psychological functionality or my access to the tools and skills that allow me to be functional in daily life.

I guess though I should feel good about myself that although I have a good life, I am still taking the (what I suspect to be small) risk to stand up and try to break down some of the barriers to privilege.

I wonder why I find so many trans-people disturbing. There's just a small subset that I'm comfortable with.

*sigh*

And to any trans people reading this, I really am struggling to try and how much of my desire to distance myself from the trans community is because of the nature of the some of the people involved and how much is internalized transphobia.

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from: soulsong
date: Jul. 11th, 2001 03:42 am (UTC)
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I feel the same way as you do.

It often seems that only the nasty, bitchy, bitter and miserable trans people hang around the groups and the mailing lists. Everyone else has rushed off to associate with people who are psychologically healthy and actually fun to be around.

You make a good point about the finances. Did I remain psychologically healthy through transition because I had a good job, or did I have a good job because I was psychologically healthy?

Your rhetorical question about internalised transphobia is interesting. I know that I have difficulty hiding my distaste for many trans women. I think this is because I feel they are reflecting badly on me. I guess it's not surprising if non-trans people feel the same way. I've heard feminists label us all 'gross parodies of femaleness' and I can understand that point of view completely - except that of course, if you're not a 'gross parody', no-one knows you're trans. So transphobia is all rather self-fulfilling.

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