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Depressing therapy

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Sep. 16th, 2003 | 01:47 pm
mood: sadsad

I talked about how my opinion of having a body is it's this annoying thing you have to waste time maintaining so you don't experience pain. I eat not because food is tasty but because if I don't I get extra depressed. I exercise not to feel good but so I can consider myself less repulsive and to avoid developing diabetes.

Also my family gave plenty of messages that bodies are icky messy things with no redeeming characteristics.

The other interesting thing is I think one of the motivations about wanting a romantic relationship is it seems those kinds of relationships are more likely to be treated seriously. It's rather uncommon for one to move accross the country for a friend, whereas it seems more likely to happen for a "romantic relationship".

I wonder if the world would be a better place if we did the reverse, valuing close friendships the highest. It does seem that sexual attraction does distort how compatible one feels with someone.

I'm tired of being alone.

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Comments {9}

secretslip

(no subject)

from: secretslip
date: Sep. 16th, 2003 04:52 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, maintainance is annoying, but you have to put gas into your car, too.

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Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Sep. 16th, 2003 05:27 pm (UTC)
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Car, what is car?

For me perhaps a better analogy is that you have to apply your software patches. ;)

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Josh

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from: irilyth
date: Sep. 16th, 2003 08:22 pm (UTC)
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Or: You have to have hardware to run that great software on. Sometimes you run it on old junk you threw together from parts; other times, you use hardware that's beautiful in and of itself. Why not be a Mac?

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Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Sep. 17th, 2003 01:05 am (UTC)
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Why not be a Mac?

Because I'm not. I wasn't designed to be aesthetically pleasing, I must be content with being functional.

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Josh

(no subject)

from: irilyth
date: Sep. 17th, 2003 04:12 pm (UTC)
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(a) Were you "designed" at all?

(b) Functional can be great too, if you function well. I like neko_san's suggestion: If you don't enjoy most physical activities, find a physical activity that you do enjoy. Dancing is great, and is also good for learning how to flirt, and you don't necessarily have to be graceful, and it'll help you get more graceful anyway. (I was a lot less graceful before I started dancing.) There's tons of contra in the LA area, some real nearby even. http://www.hallikainen.com/lacontra/ has more info if you're curious, I'd be happy to go some time, and I bet we could even lure Kayla along.

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Usqueba

ok, I'm silly but....

from: usqueba
date: Sep. 16th, 2003 11:43 pm (UTC)
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I eat not because food is tasty
::g:: You're eating the wrong stuff. Healthy things can be tasty too, as I'm learning.

Also my family gave plenty of messages that bodies are icky messy things with no redeeming characteristics.
Hey, I over came Catholicism! Your body is only icky and messy if your skin falls off and stuff starts falling out ::g:: It carries your head around! Think how long it would take your head to roll anywhere (a la Murry in Monkey Island). Besides, it can see a lot better way up high on your neck. And how would you feel hugging just a head?! Oh, you'd need a body (with arms) to hugs someone ::g::

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Diane Trout

Re: ok, I'm silly but....

from: alienghic
date: Sep. 17th, 2003 12:52 am (UTC)
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During the summer I stopped trying to cook so the quality of my food declined. I'm hoping to get back into it as the temperature decline.

you'd need a body (with arms) to hugs someone

People occasionally mention that, but while I'm feeling depressed it's not like I believe that I'm going to have any good hugs with anyone.

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(no subject)

from: musicwomyn
date: Sep. 17th, 2003 01:14 am (UTC)
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I feel your pain and can relate..no advice to offer though since I deal with the same stuff. Maybe just trying to build a better self-image, but how one goes about that is beyond me

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cat

body image

from: neko_san
date: Sep. 17th, 2003 10:58 am (UTC)
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i'm amazingly tempted to write a long rant about body image. maybe i will, when i get a few hours free.

short rant:
when i was a kid, i was always the clumsy, uncoordinated one who was picked last for all teams. ("she can't run! she can't catch! she can't throw! she has no coordination! she doesn't even know the rules!") i didn't like what puberty did to me, either (and my mom's comments did not help, but that's yet another rant); so i spent most of my (young) life disliking my body, for one reason or another. i would have jumped at the opprotiunity to be just a brain in a jar.

finding a form of exercise that was a good "fit" with me (aikido) has helped a lot. it was good that everyone is bad at it at first, because the motions are unfamiliar, so i didn't feel exceptionally uncoordinated. also, since i know i'm a slow learner when it comes to gross physical motion, i didn't drop out when i got frustrated, and it was expected that it would take me a while to pick up anything. (then again, maybe i just had very patient teachers.) at any rate, learning how to move, and just spening positive time moving, has helped.

i think i've finally gotten used to having a body, and specifically, having the body that i've got. it's nice to be able to do things with it, like hiking up a mountain, or dancing all night long. it has taken a long time, and sometimes i do still look in the mirror and think "what an ugly freak". for the most part, however, i'm content with it. it has flaws and limitations, but they're *my* flaws and limitations, and now i know what they are. sometimes, i can even improve upon them.

i've been doing contra dancing recently, and it really shocked me when i got comments like "you pick this up very quickly" and "you're very graceful". i never thought statements like that would ever apply to me; it's quite startling to find that... maybe they do.


i don't know, is there something physical that you can do (like yoga) to start forming a positive connection to your body? try to focus on the good things, not the bad ones. (i'm used to thinking, "i suck at sports because i'm short." when i started aikido, and voiced this out loud, i got the response, "here being short is good: your center of mass is closer to the ground, and below most everyone else's center of mass. you'll find that it can be an advantage.")

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