?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Appearance

« previous entry | next entry »
Aug. 28th, 2003 | 12:37 am

I was talking with a friend about attraction and how I feel like I radiate a "whatever you do, don't be attracted to me" aura. She pointed out that I do look like someone who doesn't spend that much effort my appearance. For instance, I dress badly, my hair is frizzy and not well cut, I slump pulling myself inwardly. I look like someone who doesn't like their body. She suggested that being sexually attractive comes from someone being grounded in their physicality. (Does that mean comfortable with having a body?)

I've been taking small steps toward presenting myself better. The first thing was to lose weight. Another was a friend took me shopping and I got some better clothes, although I could use some more.

After talking to my friend, there are other things I could do. Such as I could take better care of my hair. I prefer longer hair, even though it can be annoying since it's hot and falls in my face when I lean forward. My friend thought getting my hair cut to shoulder length would look good, although after seeing some pictures of me with short hair she also thought it would also look good on me. (Though since both my mother prefers short hair, and my own history I'm biased against it. And since she's your typical punky short-haired lesbian she's probably biased toward short hair.)

Anyone who knows me have a preference for hair length? And does anyone have recommendations for hair stylists in the pasadena area?

One of the things I don't like about my body is I feel like I don't have much of a hip-to-waist ratio, however there is a solution--it's called a corset. Getting one would make me feel like I'm selling out to fashion, but then ignoring my body to stay focused on the realm of pure reason hasn't been that effective of a strategy for attracting anyone I'm interested in for a sexual/romantic relationship. (It works great for friendship, but that's it.)

(Oh yes, and for all of my friends who've been trying to beat this into my head, perhaps the answer to why I haven't attracted anyone is that I look like someone who doesn't think they're attractive.)

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {15}

Xen Cat

(no subject)

from: xencat
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 01:37 am (UTC)
Link

Funnily enough I've been thinking similar things, just setup a poll for hair length 8-). I think the thing is to be happy with your hair length whatever it is (am I being hypocritical?). If how you perceive yourself is the issue, then perhaps you need to find the hair you want, try looking through some magazines or at other pictures and find something you think will work and like.

Reply | Thread

her other side

Hair!

from: saltbox
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 07:36 am (UTC)
Link

I don't know what you'd look like with short hair, but you looked pretty good (to me) with longish hair (though I, too, generally prefer short punky hair on women). There's a lot of great styling products for curly hair out there these days, esp. curly hair that has a tendency to frizz in the heat. Just go to a salon for recommendations.

Plus hair products are kind of fun. (They're the one area where I get a bit consumerist.)

And attitude can go a long way towards enhancing one's attractiveness. My friend S----- is of, well, pretty above-average size, but she bears herself gorgeously and wears funky clothes and has girls and boys flocking to her all over the place.

Reply | Thread

secretslip

(no subject)

from: secretslip
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 08:47 am (UTC)
Link

You can keep your long hair, but you have to brush it more, throughout the day --which means you would have to go to the trouble of unbraiding it. The reason is that it does get frizzy on top. Also to help that you could buy some heavy conditioner that could make your hair softer.

Reply | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 10:12 am (UTC)
Link

I did get a vote against keeping it braided. My friend thought it looked better down. She thought the braids were more severe... Actually after taking my hair down, she said that I had to promise to wear it down at least once a week.

Reply | Parent | Thread

soulspirals

(no subject)

from: soulspirals
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 09:10 am (UTC)
Link

I leave my hair long because I hate the idea of blow-drying it or anything else that requires work. I get it trimmed once or twice a year, but should probably be a little better about that. So I've spent some time figuring out what works for me, and is simple, and I do that. I have shampoo and conditioner that work well, are cheap ($5 each), that i have used for more than 5 years. My hair is ver hard to comb wet, so I use spray conditioner on it when I get out of the shower, then comb it. I comb it again when it's dry. I sometimes pull the front of it back in a barette to keep it out of my face and pretend I care what I look like. I am more likely to pull all of it back though - which I do with the help of a pair of snazzy chopsticks designed for hair. I Roll it up in a bun, sitck the chopsticks through, and voila. It doesn't move at all, and if my mom gave me a pretty pair of chopsticks it looks like I've made a moderate effort to look nice.

I also share the hips/waist ratio issue. I actually have visible indentations on the side of my body where hips belong. I generally don't worry about it too much. I do have a corset that I wear on rare and special occassions, and I've found that it can be fun. I don't normally like to dress up, but sometimes its fun to see a side of myself that doesn't come out to play much - and a corset is a pretty serious confidence booster! Good ones are expensive. I did, however, once find a sale deal on one at Frederick's. It was pretty good for what it was, and was enough to give me a taste of whether I was interested before dropping the money on a custom one for say...$400.

I'm not terribly vested in appearances myself, and I love that I now live back in a place where fashion is a non-issue. When I'm looking at people, I don't think so much about whether they're in style or whether they have some genetic condition that I deem "attractive". I look more at whether they look comfortable in themselves, comfortable in what they're wearing on their body, and if they look like they take care of themselves. Too me, those things convey a level of self-care and pride that indicates something about both physical and mental well-being. Beyond that, I'm interested in something that says "this is who I am" - which is probably my attraction to people with tattoos, although it never has to be communicated in such an extreme way.

Reply | Thread

cat

(no subject)

from: neko_san
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 10:05 am (UTC)
Link

Well, i'm a big fan of long hair, so i vote long. :) Plus, you have such amazingly thick hair; it would seem a shame to have it be short. That's just my personal bias.

Um... hair salons. Unfortunately, i know nothing about these (I haven't had my hair cut by anyone other than me in well over a decade). I remember seeing a few "long hair specialists" scattered around Pasadena, and i always meant to go into one of those, but never did. I know one person who went, and they did this thing called a "spiral cut", which looked pretty good on her. (It was some sort of layered cut; not the eighties-type layers, but something which looked more modern and nicer.)

There's also a series of salons done under the George Michael system (he's this hairdresser who's frighteningly obsessed with long hair). My impression is that they're quite expensive. There's one of those in Beverly Hills.

For styles, a quick bun can keep hair out of your face. If you put it in when your hair is still dampish, it will stay up all day. (Okay, it does take practice to do a bun.) A pair of wooden chopsticks works well (ones that are polished and without splinters). I can babble more about long hair styles if you want...

Corsets are loads of fun. My main advice would be to get a custom-fitted one, because they fit better and are much comfier than anything you can buy ready-made. Dark Garden in San Francisco is a great place.

Reply | Thread

secretslip

(no subject)

from: secretslip
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 10:20 am (UTC)
Link

Don't get a corset. Get more exercise instead.

Reply | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 12:54 pm (UTC)
Link

I have been steadily increasing my exercise, as it cools off I can increase it even more. However given my history I don't think my body would ever naturally have as good of a ratio as I'd like, so perhaps a technological solution would help.

Reply | Parent | Thread

secretslip

(no subject)

from: secretslip
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 10:21 am (UTC)
Link

Oh, and as for hair, why don't you try photoshopping it, so you could see what it would look like short.

Reply | Thread

Melody

(no subject)

from: melodymuse
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 10:34 am (UTC)
Link

I was thinking that a shorter, not too short messy cut might look fun on you! When I am thinking of making a big change I start looking through magazines or I pay attention to the people's hair I see around me in film and real life. I just got my haircut on Monday and it made me feel 100 times sexier and better. I used Shannnon's girl Amy Hateley she is a really sweet, hip Goth girl. I was the only client in the shop on Monday which was nice because usually I don't like Salons. It is always better to go to someone who your friends recommend.

Here is her address and phone number

Amy Hateley
Tamara a Dahill Salon
10216 Riverside Drive Toluca Lake, CA 91602-2502
Phone: (818) 752-6567
$50.00 for a shampoo, cut and style

Reply | Thread

(Deleted comment)

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 02:29 pm (UTC)
Link

I'm somewhat ambivalent about the research claiming a large dimorphism between "men" and "women". Having there actually be a difference helps explain my history, yet my observations say that there's nothing that I can point to that is exclusively "masculine" or "feminine."

As for beauty, some of the claims are also backed up by my own observations. As much as we like to claim that it's the inner beauty that matter, sexual attraction has a large physical component. I've certainly watched people claim that it's the personality that matters but they then try and date attractive but unstable people.

Though since good relationships also require friendship the inner person also matters if you want to have a happy long term relationship.

One of the other supports for psychological and physical attractiveness are different, for instance how often have you heard someone say that they're staying together because of the sex.

As far as I've been able to tell being a nice, kind, caring person gets you friendship.

Reply | Parent | Thread

Dieppe

(no subject)

from: dieppe
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 05:31 pm (UTC)
Link

As far as I've been able to tell being a nice, kind, caring person gets you friendship.

Usually. And sometimes that will just get you a brick on the head and a trip to the sewers!

Did you mean friendship in a good way or a bad way?

And pleeeease give me a stable and average person over an unstable but "physically attractive" person any day of the week! :)

Reply | Parent | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 07:13 pm (UTC)
Link

Did you mean friendship in a good way or a bad way?

In the I like you and will hang out with you, but really I want to date someone else kind of way.

Reply | Parent | Thread

(no subject)

from: musicwomyn
date: Aug. 28th, 2003 01:47 pm (UTC)
Link

I think you'd look cute with a bob-cut or some other shoulder lenght hairdo. Then again, I also love your braids and they wouldn't look good with shorter hair.

On the corsette thing, I highly recommend it for gaining more body and sexual confidence.They are definitely ego-boosters.

Reply | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 29th, 2003 06:29 pm (UTC)
Link

I do wish my figure was more curvaceous, and pretty much for me the only way to achieve it would be a corset.

Reply | Parent | Thread