?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Frustration

« previous entry | next entry »
Aug. 12th, 2003 | 11:26 am

Yesterday, I got to listen to people talk about sex nearly the entire day.

There was the straight friend being obsessed with lesbian sex. Later there were the queer women talking about sex and at the end of the evening one woman shared her intense sexual experiences.

One thing I've noticed is other people talking about sex makes me feel rather similar to when they start talking about mainstream media. I stare blankly and can't participate in the conversation as the subject is too far from my experience. Unless they're talking about sex being unpleasant, which I can relate to.

For instance one of my peak experiences was going down on a woman who I was emotionally involved with and discovering, "Hey, this doesn't suck".

I (and probably my friends) find it rather frustrating that I'm rather fragile around conversations about sex. There's some threshold where I can't take listening to it any longer and need it to stop. However since I would rather not prevent my friends from enjoying themselves my typical solution is to leave.

One of my fears is that no one will find me interesting enough to stay around to help me learn new experiences of sexuality.

Some have recommended that I try to masturbate to learn what feels good. What I've learned is that I'd rather have my teeth cleaned, which may be less weird than it sounds since someone's paying attention to me, there's a little bit of physical contact, the room is cool, they're playing soothing music, and I can rest. So what if there's some minor pain?

What I crave is contact with another person. I frequently feel pressured into sex because of what the other person wants and what my culture says is appropriate.

I feel like there's this large area of the human experience I can't relate to.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {4}

Jen

(no subject)

from: jadine
date: Aug. 12th, 2003 11:58 am (UTC)
Link

Yeah, masturbation has never been helpful to me.

I had a terrific, experienced girlfriend who introduced me to vibrators. That just worked so much better than using hands or mouth- it changed sex from something I was kind of avoiding to something enjoyable. If you haven't tried them, you should- and I do mean with a partner, not by yourself.

Reply | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 12th, 2003 02:52 pm (UTC)
Link

One of the things that makes sex better with a partner is anticipation, it really helps not knowing what's going to happen next.

My problem is since I'm pretty insecure about sexuality, other people tend to pick up on that and leave me alone, making it hard to actually get experience to escape being insecure.

Reply | Parent | Thread

(no subject)

from: musicwomyn
date: Aug. 12th, 2003 05:05 pm (UTC)
Link

I hate to sound cliched, but honestly I think when you're ready, it will happen. I was like you not so long ago and then at some point, I finally let go and tried things out. It's still very scary for me, but it gets easier and more fun. Maybe you are just not ready? I thought I was for a long time, but I wasn't until it actually happened, and even then it wasn't so great. I have had bad experiences, too, but the more experience and the slower you take it, the better and eaiser it will get. Hope this sounded somewhat coherent.

Reply | Thread

Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Aug. 12th, 2003 05:20 pm (UTC)
Link

Okay, I did have some positive sexual experiences last year. It's easy for me to forget that.

I also tend to want to learn about sex in a relationship where I at least like the other person. (Love would be better, but liking them is a good start).

Reply | Parent | Thread