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Things that make me go hmmmm

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Jul. 18th, 2003 | 12:30 am

It occured to me that this obsession with ugliness may merely be a mental code word for some other issue. I knew growing up that if I expressed a gender other than what was approved, I would get in trouble. As a result I ended up terrified of ever expressing a gender.

Perhaps I'm wishing that I could be closer to some versions of femme, but I'm paralyzed by my childhood fear and my pessimistic view that there is no way someone with as typical of a male skeleton as myself could possibly look good trying to look femme.

(As an example of things that remind me of the utter hopelessness of this project, someone recently remarked the my butt seemed to have disappeared. It seems frustrating that as I attempt to be healthier and loose weight I just end up looking more masculine.)

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Comments {7}

velcrocat

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from: velcrocat
date: Jul. 18th, 2003 08:48 am (UTC)
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if your body type keeps you from exuding the femme image you would like, maybe you should try to embrace being a cute butch/androgynous woman!

i would love to be a taller, more slender, more muscular androgynous girl (cause i think they're so hot) but alas, i don't carry the attitude or the body type. i'm short, stocky and carry a feminine attitude. some girls can wear guys clothes and look good in them. i look ridiculous. some girls look ridiculous in women's clothes because they don't fit their body type and they look hot in mens clothes.

i know it's probably harder for you being trans, but even those of us who were born into the right body for our gender still suffer from the same feelings you do. if that gives you any consolation :)

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jul. 18th, 2003 12:24 pm (UTC)
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The irony is being unhappy with my body (at least in this culture) just makes me all the more typical woman. Being trans just gives me more opportunities to abuse myself with.

I'm currently a rather poorly dressed androgynous woman, I think looking too butch would bother me, as I tend to become unhappy if called 'sir'.

Though I have no clue what might actually look good on me. (Sadly, such concepts are foreign to my thinking).

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from: musicwomyn
date: Jul. 18th, 2003 01:17 pm (UTC)
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I don't know how to be femme either. Make-up and dressing up like girl were never taught to me, so I make up my own stuff. I play with glitter and fun things like that (remember, I think we had evening playing with my make-up once). I wish I was more femme, too, and I think it just takes trial and error. If you want to be more femme, I say play around with it in the safety of your home and when something feels right, try it out on people.

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jul. 18th, 2003 03:23 pm (UTC)
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When faced with the idea of actually doing anything, I just get scared and freeze up. Though I guess I might be closest to some type of hippie/granola femme.

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Usqueba

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from: usqueba
date: Jul. 18th, 2003 08:23 pm (UTC)
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When faced with the idea of actually doing anything, I just get scared and freeze up.

A) what do you LIKE? B) start with little things - toe rings, finger rings on non4th-digit digits, nail polish, (are your ears pierced?), lip gloss, sexy undies [only you would know you were wearing them but it might give you a Chick Attitude] - and work your way up/bigger.

Even in my butch-chickness, I wear rings, ear rings and toe rings (usually the toe rings only for dance class). Oh there you go! Take belly dancing!! It did wonders for my inner chick!

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Usqueba

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from: usqueba
date: Jul. 18th, 2003 08:17 pm (UTC)
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I don't know how to be femme either. Make-up and dressing up like girl were never taught to me, so I make up my own stuff. I play with glitter and fun things like that

My older sister tried her hardest to make me more "girly". It didn't stick. ::sigh:: I'm a failure ::G:: I just don't have it in me.

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Josh

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from: irilyth
date: Jul. 20th, 2003 09:08 am (UTC)
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It does seem to me like you may have two contradictory beliefs here: I can't be pretty unless I look femme, but I can't look femme because I'm not pretty enough.

Question for ya: Does everyone have to be either Pretty (or "good looking", or whatever you want to call it) or Ugly?

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