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Jun. 26th, 2003 | 09:34 pm

I went to dinner with people in my lab, and was caught as they were wondering what ililyth was doing with secretslip in the office next door.

uhm. I said, they were seeing each other? But wait they asked? Isn't he seeing someone elsewhere?

Drat. My native honesty gets me in trouble again.

Yeah, it was a long distance, casual relationship, (must not say anything about poly).

Also secretslip seems to be having some issues with the whole poly thing. I find it really amusing that I keep arguing for poly, even though I've avoided dating several poly people. (Though I have been involved with others).

I suspect that as someone with a non-traditional orientation, my life is improved my having more people in various non-traditional relationships. (It creates a society where people are less likely to limit others)

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Comments {4}

soulspirals

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from: soulspirals
date: Jun. 27th, 2003 06:16 am (UTC)
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I was just talking to someone who asked me how my marriage "works". She wanted to clarify that bolowolf and I are in fact both "bi", and did we really have an "open" relationship.

After I stated a simple explanation about how bi-ness is about sexual orientation and poly-ness is about relationship styles (and hopefully conveying that one does not implicate the other), I had the task of trying to explain to her what that really meant in our lived relationship.

I find it particularly difficult to explain these things via online chat environments.

Anyway, it led to me explaining how we really don't have sex with other folks very often. It's actually pretty rare, although I've had the same girlfriend for many years, and we see each other every month or two or three. Rather that our poly-ness seemed to be more about not having limitations and suspicions. That we had enough trust and freedom that we weren't worrying about whether a friendship might "go too far".

It seems that for us, it just opens up the idea of exploring truly deep and intimate friendships - in a way that happens to rarely include sex. A recognition that those things can be powerful and rewarding and nurturing.

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Josh

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from: irilyth
date: Jun. 27th, 2003 08:45 am (UTC)
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One of these days, I'll get a chance to write up some of my thoughts on polaymory, and what it means in my case.

(Which I mention by way of saying: I don't mind if people (like the folks in your lab) know I'm poly, but I understand if you don't want to have to try to explain to them what this means (especially what it means to me), and I wish I had a page that I (or others) could point people to in order to at least make a start at explaining it.)

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jun. 27th, 2003 09:11 am (UTC)
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In this case the issue was I wasn't sure how quiet I was supposed to be about your polyamoury. I didn't want to out you about something too personal.

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Josh

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from: irilyth
date: Jun. 27th, 2003 09:14 am (UTC)
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Understood, and I appreciate the discretion. In general, my main reluctance to be Out about it is that it's hard (or at least time-consuming) to explain -- thus the desire for a handy web page. :^) I don't mind if people know, I just want what they know to be accurate.

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