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The Revenge of the Cute Coworker

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Jun. 9th, 2003 | 08:19 pm

So today the cute, funny, entertaining, interesting and stimulating coworker I had been obsessing about sent me a terrifying email. She told me that she has a long letter she's been meaning to write me but hasn't. So nervously I wondered what does she might want to tell me, had I weirded her out too much by being interested in her?

So I did the first thing that came to mind, I went and teased her about the angst of being left hanging after reading such an email. As a bit of foreshadowing that I missed, she blushed when she said she'd send it today.



In the letter which I received shortly thereafter she wished that it to were longer and more eloquent. It did, however, cover the salient points--she thinks I'm really cool, really enjoys spending time with me and wants to spend more time with me. But, she doesn't want to have sex.

What? I blinked, looked back, and the pixels still told the same story, not interested in sex with women.

Why would she say such a thing? How does one answer such a statement?

I was bewildered for a bit and then told her how her comment strongly reminded me of the movie Kissing Jessica Stein. I also mentioned the idea of romantic friendship that I learned about in Surpassing the love of men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present.

After that I went into her office and we both had a rather awkward chat. Then we went out to dinner, picking up another coworker on the way.

Although still confused and wondering what this might mean, I did realize one thing, I was right--she had been exhibiting some mixed signals.

There is a part of me that wants to try arguing for her to consider being bi, even though most of the arguments that I might try on her I'd have to apply to me as well (stupid self-consistency).

Also while writing this I started wondering if I should've offered her a hug good night when we parted ways at her car.

The last thing was to wonder what I should actually do with this information, I suspect nothing, other than continue being friendly. If need be we can renegotiate things later (though since I tend not to like pushing people's boundaries she might have to drop some hints if she wants to renegotiate).

Though a side effect is perhaps I wont completely lose the mild crush.

I wonder if I should introduce her to some of my bi women friends and they can talk about their experiences discovering they were bi.

And to break the 4th wall of LJ, if she's interested in talking to someone else who might've gone through a similar situation perhaps she can post here and one of my dear readers might offer some comments.

Alsi I suspect there's a good chance she'll get first post on this entry. Ah the exhibitionism of LJ.

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Comments {8}

(no subject)

from: musicwomyn
date: Jun. 9th, 2003 10:50 pm (UTC)
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I like reading these kinds of entries. It's like you have your own Aaron Spelling produced soap opera, only no one's been murdered...yet.

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 01:20 am (UTC)
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I suppose somone could be murdered, though according to tradition it has to be me... (Since places the mark of death on the tormented lesbian).

But thankfully this isn't some art flick.

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(no subject)

from: musicwomyn
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 11:19 am (UTC)
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Yeah, if it was Aaron Spelling, you would wind up a raving lunatic who tries to kill everyone, winds up in a hospital, manages to find her self, and moves away, but only the drop dead (pun intended) gorgeous psycho hose beast would die...not that I have any experience with Aaron Spelling soap operas...he...he...he (<---shifts eyes)

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adrienne

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from: sapience
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 01:21 am (UTC)
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I'm still confused. Is she operating from a binary standpoint on relationships (i.e. having sex = involved, not having sex = just friends, no other options available), and just wants to be friends?

Or is she interested in pursuing a relationship that doesn't necessarily fit within our society's very limited view of what is acceptable - to explore what's possible, what feels good, what feels right, what can naturally evolve once cultural mores are removed - but with the stipulation that it not go so far as sexual involvement (which will of course need to be discussed if that's the case, since definitions of sex vary so widely)?

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 01:41 am (UTC)
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I was assuming something closer to the former, that she was thinking of me in the terms of being someone date-able, but she can't because of orientation issues.

Some of the other things she's said suggests she hadn't ever really considered any orientation other than straight until I told her I was interested in her.

I'm tempted to interpret this as a boost to my self-esteem. I'm a neat enough person to have gotten a straight woman to question her orientation.

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adrienne

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from: sapience
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 01:46 am (UTC)
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Definitely! :):)

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 09:49 am (UTC)
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Hey, I thought you didn't necessarily want sex though? I mean from what I've known of you and all, sex hasn't been a deciding factor... or was that just angst? ;)

And, pthb, trying to convert someone to bi... but then again if she's a cute woman who'd be able to resist the temptation?

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Diane Trout

(no subject)

from: alienghic
date: Jun. 10th, 2003 10:42 am (UTC)
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Of the people I know I seem to be the least interested in sex. Some of it may be that there have usually been other torments attached to my attempts at sex, and so I just haven't had a chance to feel comfortable with sex with someone I trust.

On the other hand I may actually just not find it as compelling as most people.

Which is why I told her about the whole romantic friendship concept.

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