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Jun. 17th, 2001 | 09:49 pm

I feel better after an hour and half phone call to a friend.

You'd think that after years of therapy, introspection, philosophy, and other mechanisms of developing self-awareness I'd be better at escaping from my demons.

But they're still there taunting me. and I wish I knew what it'd take to escape them.

One unpleasant answer is there is no such thing as a complete escape, things can be done to weaken their hold. But to truly escape seems rather unlikely.

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Comments {7}

The Dude

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from: singleton
date: Jun. 17th, 2001 10:31 pm (UTC)
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Don't mean to sound preachy Diane, but we ALL have demons that will pursue us our entire lives. That is an accepted fact. It is how we deal with these demons that makes us human, that makes our human condition so unique.
What your demons are is irrelevant. How you deal with them is the definition of how you perform as a person.
Secondly, I appreciate beauty in any and all forms, and it may or may not surprise you to hear that i very much doubt the things you say about yerself.

Most people are citical of themselves, and what is important is that the mind is the element of our bodies to show through, and i have very much faith in the integrity of your mind.

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Diane Trout

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from: alienghic
date: Jun. 17th, 2001 10:43 pm (UTC)
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In my more rational moments I too realize that this fear is a load of bunk that I've carefully protected in my self-conception. The only biologically orientated standard of beauty that I've heard of is bilateral symmetry, the vast majority of the things attached to the concept of physical beauty are culturally defined, and so I'm abusing myself over something that doesn't even really exist.

Though just because I can think this is true, I can't necessarily feel that it is true.

One of the things that ecouraged me to leave mass media behind is, since I already have quite a tendency to have body-image issues, I really, really, don't need to get them reinforced.

My most recent realization though was that just because I've tried to deny and escape my cultural programming, I can't really succeed until I replace it with a more positive cultural framework.

Unfortunatly it's really hard to make up cultural norms all by yourself. Not to mention I just figured this part out a couple of days ago.

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narcissus-alicious

well.

from: nalicious
date: Jun. 22nd, 2001 09:14 pm (UTC)
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the closer you look the more you find. Fortunately, after some time some of the demons you have encountered in the past don't look nearly as nasty, especially in comparison to the ones you might be encountering now. For me, the best way to deal with it is to react to them for a while, call a friend, freak out, whatever, and then get back to living my life. I can remember that they really aren't all *that* bad and even if things never do become perfectly peaceful and peachy keen, there wil be good times, and there are good times, and it is up to me to enjoy them. If you want I can tell you the story of my dress as an example *nods confidently* that oughtta fix it (well, it won't, but I like the story).

sorry so long winded *MUST sleep, works too much*

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Diane Trout

Re: well.

from: alienghic
date: Jun. 24th, 2001 04:02 pm (UTC)
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Hi, long time since I'd heard from you. I hope things are going well...

I've got a habit of running my life over and over in my head always trying to analyze it, unfortunately, my pessimistic side tends to obsess about the bad stuff and forget about the good stuff. A behavior that I've decided is not good for me.

Okay, I'll bite, so what happened with you and your dress?

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narcissus-alicious

Re: well.

from: nalicious
date: Jun. 24th, 2001 08:50 pm (UTC)
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I washed and dried my favorite favorite dress. It is long and dark blue and I bought it in Germany. It swooshes when I walk, and is informal enough that I can wear it for everydayish type things, and formal enough that I can get away with wearing it to dances if I wish. Anyhoo, as I was folding my laundry it appeared to me that it was shorter. I put it on to discover that it was 2-3 inches above my ankles (before it was down to my heels). I was depressed and upset and it was late at night which didn't help. I went to bed kicking myself for putting it in the dryer, telling myself I should have known better and etc. A week later I looked at where it was hanging in the closet and it appeared longer in comparison to the dress it was hanging next to, a few days after that I got the courage to try it on and it was down to my ankles, a few days after that and it was back down to my heels. I really am not positive how it happened, but it did.

The moral of this story, sometimes things just aren't worth kicking yourself for. Sometimes they are very real problems, but they really aren't up to you to resolve, and it is okay, they will work out. Bearing the weight of the world on your shoulders doesn't do anyone much good, unless you have a chiropracter who earns a lot from weekly appointments.

*hugs* I hope things look up for you.

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Diane Trout

Re: well.

from: alienghic
date: Jun. 25th, 2001 12:48 am (UTC)
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Hmm... can I use your story as an excuse for procrastination? If some problems go away when you leave them alone, maybe more will? :)

I'm trying to teach myself to worry less. At times I think I'm too serious always obsessing about "weighty" "important" things and forgetting to be silly.

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narcissus-alicious

silliness is gooood

from: nalicious
date: Jun. 25th, 2001 01:32 pm (UTC)
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procrastination is better.

any excuse is great. (for either, or both)

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